May 2013
efferescent:
remember when a girl from my school wore a dress the same color as the green screen at prom
oh yes
her date did too
mikeyfriskeyhands:
Honestly if I had the body I wanted I’d probably dress like a slut Im just saying
geometricdeathtrap:
metallikato:
generallegendary:
metallikato:
jewelstaites:
how to give a good handjob
bop it
pull it
twist it
harder
better
faster
stronger
You pull your left hand in You pull your left hand out You pull your left hand in And you shake it all about!
Cha cha real smooth
none of you ever touch a penis
perfectrainbow:
imagine someone telling you theyve masturbated to you like how flattering would that be
i cybered on omegle today
You: hi
Stranger: hey
You: wanna cyber
Stranger: Depends are you a girl? ;)
You: ya
Stranger: And okay then, you start?
You: i come into ur bedroom
You: and ur sleeping
You: and i crawl under your blanket
Stranger: I'm still asleep
You: u feel me pulling down ur pants
You: and u wake up and smile
Stranger: I kiss you gently, still sleepy
You: then i smile and open the scissors around your dick and snap them closed
You: cutting off your penis
Stranger: wait
You: THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR CHEATING ON ME
Stranger: Then what...?
You: I HATE YOU
Stranger: I didn't cheat
You: you bleed to death in your bed
Stranger: i didn't cheat on you. lets restart ok
You: nobody ever knows what happened
You: i flee to mexico with your Mercedes
You: the end
Stranger: I have a mercedes?
You: not anymore faggot
Your conversation partner has disconnected.
Reasons To Be Happy:
Dead trees still stand and so can you.
You have five fingers on each hand. One day those fingers will travel from your lap to someone else’s and that person will know all the bad stuff and still want to kiss you.
Seasons are guaranteed when nothing else seems to be.
pottttterhead:
nyehs:
what if for an entire year everyone stopped having kids and then there was like an empty grade level for 12 years
…and then there’s that one kid who gets held back.
lumos5000:
thesmoshfangirl:
chinchillaghosts:
wivernryder:
chinchillaghosts:
heyfunnie:
why is bob short for robert
how does one get ‘billy’ out of ‘william’?
How in hell do you get “Dick” from “Richard”?
you ask him nicely
you ask him nicely
this is why we can’t have nice things tumblr…
ridingcolts-bailinghay:
savingpeopledoingmoosestuff:
acetrainerghirahim:
am I the only person who doesn’t wash their hair every day
cause
when I tell people I don’t wash my hair every day they look at me like I’m some disgusting hobo
Fun Fact:
Washing your hair everyday can lead to early hair loss. You hair needs to distribute it’s natural oils to remain healthy.
that’s what I told...
Watchvideohall:
Well trained dog struggles retrieving his Frisbee without breaking the rules
> Genuinely felt a little tickle of pride when he managed to get it at the end.
foxnewsofficial:
scuba-steve-damn-you:
foxnewsofficial:
SEND EVERYONE YOU KNOW A MORNING TEXT. WEAR A BOWTIE TODAY. HIGH FIVE STRANGERS. GIVE AWAY LOLLIPOPS. COMPLIMENT PEOPLE. STEAL A CHILD.
i’ve already done one of those and now he won’t stop crying and it’s annoying
must have been an aggressive high five
The weirdest deaths. Ever. →
frizzzle:
read more.
Well it atleast they had a unique exit out of here
#14 omfg what
these are all so weird
#10 is just too unfortunate and sad D:
…..
#6
how does that even happen to someone
Creepyyy
#4 scares me from playing soccer ever again…
shout out to the 90% of my followers that dont like to reblog or message me at all but still follow me for some reason
I’m feeling really depressed and lonely…. I want to call him but I know I need to be strong. The dreams I had this morning were horrible, damn you broken heart!
April 2013
